Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
