um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
