i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
