wrigley field is MILF paradise
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize