I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
