i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
