I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Randomize
