Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize