what day is it and did you see me today?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
