Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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