I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize