dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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