I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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