oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I need a beard to bite.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
