That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
