dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I cut my penus on the lid.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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