so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
