Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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