Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Houston, we have a squirter
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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