I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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