Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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