I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
