why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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