Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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