I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
