some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
