i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize