I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
this beer tastes like vomit already
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
