You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
