Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
