i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
