i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
