Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
