I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
