her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
