i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
