I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
