singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
