Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize