Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize