so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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