Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize