ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
