He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
