I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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