ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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