I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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