I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize