Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
