Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
