So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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