Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
