she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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