I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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