drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
