My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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