I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
