I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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