I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
handjob tips. give me some.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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