She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
