my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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