Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
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