Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
