I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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