Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
