Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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