Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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