How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
