omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
