great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
