Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
