I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
