seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize