he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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