I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
