the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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