When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
