Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
