your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
