This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I enjoy the company of your penis
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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