Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
did i walk over a car last night?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
