That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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